THINKING – FREEDOM
Curiosity is freedom. But for curiosity to work, one has to think and practice thinking, thus questioning or inquiring can come to fruition. To be clearer, as I am thinking currently, the bridge between the act and inquiring is that “lightbulb of connection,” that momentary pause wherein one says “hmph.”
In the word web dictionary, it says thinking is "the process of using your mind to consider something carefully." Although the consideration comes in the moment of “hmph,” it still seems unclear because the mind, the process, and the ability to consider which is also thinking in a sense, all need to be deconstructed to a simple form for a understanding of how of it – the process. Webster's dictionary says it is "the action of using one's mind to produce thoughts." Again, the action involves a process to be considered using the mind.
Furthermore, the mind does not just act on its own. It requires some outside force. The encyclopeadia brittanica asserts it as the interaction between the external and the internal… the stimuli outside compelling the stirring of the mind – that which is within the head. As it is written “thought, covert symbolic responses to stimuli that are either intrinsic or extrinsic.” The former suggests a similarity to meditation and the interplay that an individual may have with him/herself in the head.
Recently, I said to one of my colleagues that I would be wildly amazed to see one of the students enjoy solitude. At the adolescence age, how likely is that to occur? Not likely, yet still a possibility. With so much stimuli coming in from the external world, it is a wonder then of how a student/ child can interact mindfully – with their-self and their-self? It reminds me of that saying, “me, myself, and I” when you ask someone about their business that they feel is of no concern to you. That must have originated from somewhere, but where?
Billie Holiday, among many artist in 1937, recorded a song with the title, “Me, Myself, and I.” Of course, I must contend my reference to G- Easy and Bebe Rhexa’s version in 2015. The title is the same with a more valid connection to this aspect of solitude, where thinking with one’s own self, occurs often.
Solitude, it appears, is most often identified as a joyous act of introverts similar to how extroverts love company. But it also seems that many dislike it gravely. I had one student who would come to class and would do nothing but talk. So much so, I would stop him outside before he gets into class and strike up a conversation with him… how are you doing, how was your other classes today – which, based on his response, would help me gage how to interact with him in during class. I would even bring up some positives I notice of him the previous days and assert to him that I needed him to converse less to his peers while I’m instructing. Throughout the year, the he would promise and promise, and only about three times he came extremely close to honoring that promise. At one point I became curious of his home doings wherein he confided in me that he doesn’t have anyone to play with and it has been like that for years to the point he hates it. And after my asking him, what’s wrong with being alone, he said, it’s not fun. In other words, I took it as him saying, it’s no fun to be inside his head. Now, I understand he is a teenager that’s developing, it makes sense that his neurons and synapses are firing at an excitable rate that to sit still, to be mindful, is starkly difficult with all the external stimuli coming at him on a daily basis at his age. Hence his talkativeness, his difficulty in self-regulation, and all the other stuff I recall from adolescence psychology. Thus, the thinking that denotes inattentiveness can be seen. For example, in a serious conversation with a student, after the fact of an illogical act, the student would respond, “I wasn’t thinking”, or use the kid logic I see on a continuous basis that made me question my own suppositions at times.
Me: Please stop stalking!
Student: I wasn’t talking (clearly he was).
Me: I see you, see me, see you talking (I recall Kev. Hart in the moment and then wonder, did I really see him talking or not? I have to laugh at the end of the day).
It is an annoying hilarity. But it happens. And regardless of careful consideration as I mentioned in the beginning, isn’t it still thinking when you do something or bring an act into reality from your mind’s interplay. For me to hit someone without thinking is in fact me thinking about hitting the person for no reason whatsoever. It then comes down to this, “thinking is simply the mind in play unendingly with the influence of external and internal stimuli.”
Thinking with consideration is where I want to get my students wherein they stop and say “hmph.” This does not seem particularly a difficult thing to deconstruct, of course, thinking continues to be a painful act especially when frustration sets in for many, wherein that “hmph” is followed by “I can’t” or “this is too much.” And without effort, it will remain a painful act. In my first year of teaching, one sheet of paper with about five paragraphs requiring students to underline information that seems important, put a question mark beside something they want to question, circle vocabulary that is difficult, and/or write a connection that they make would return a bunch of groans and shock at the amount which was just a five paragraph paper. This was premise by a part of a text, or a discussion wherein some weren’t listening, which of course is a result of their minds going a mile a second and a result of one of two possible things among others: a disconnection/ disinterest or an inability to consider. Of course, are you going to always find interest in something needing your attention? Think about it.
Similarly, in my former years of undergrad, I came to that understanding of frustration within some of my peers. In my reach for euphoria and a transcendental state of mind, some did not want the challenge and I decided to return to the place of solitude, the one place my thinking would flourish beyond the chains of frustration, the threshold of prevention, the barrier wall to ascension. My focus was so poor at one point that I went to a workshop on mindfulness which engaged my understanding of the external stimulus’ destruction to the mind, the type that majority of people engage in which was highly negative energy – news – rather than some positives – nature, as I believe. Don’t get me wrong, balance is important, and being aware of the things in the world is also important. Yet, in our search for remaining aware to the outside world, we may become more neglectful of the peace that is dying within which begs for revival. The peace that gives us a sense of clarity and focus to enable thinking that is powerful beyond the external stimulus’ capabilities of distracting us from consideration.
My student, as aforementioned, resented his solitude because it does not give him a sense of the aspects needed to fit in, rather than him realizing the uniqueness that is within. It is a process he will come to understand in time like so many others. Likely, he will reach a point of “hmph” as he reflects on his young days in my class, possibly, or another teacher in the future, or someone else. His mind is constantly going, running on full. It reminds me of how I had a conversation with one of my professors about the same thing with my mind, it just goes on hindering me from grabbing on to the ideas that were just floating around speedily in my head. I was so frustrated, wanting to grab on but somehow, with just inches away from the idea or thought, it just vanished, or ran away, increasing the frustration. To that, she reminded me of the nature I wished to connect to, and thus, my control began after a long battle with me, myself, and I. The lightbulb turned on brightly and stopped and thought, “hmph.” The battle does continue as one grows. Frustration does not stop either. So I leave with this thought, “the body's freedom is fruitless if the mind is shackled. And if the mind is shackled, the soul is simply an egg hoping to be hatched. Be curious, always” after all, curiosity, is freedom. And of course, the question remains, what exactly is freedom? Hmph…
